inside.

why is it that on lighter better days my mind has nothing to express

theres days when i am consumed by what seems to be reminders of a bruised life

days when my fingers dont stop typing

my hands dont stop moving

memory after memory spewing out of me like bullets

and theres no tears

and theres no turning back 

and there is so much regret 

theres so much wondering why 

why are we handed the lives we live?

and im not talking about now.

adult lives are full of choices and therefore consequences

but before?

before i could stand on my own

before i could say NO

before i could walk away

before i could decide for myself

why do we have the parent that we have

why do we pay the price of over due debts

people like to believe theres a god

And its really not that i dont

but imagine this,

an almighty being somewhere above us,

watching, controlling and collecting.

do we really wanna believe someone chooses this for us ?

someone says: here this is the pre destined life for you?

and if so, do we really think that thats an all-just being/

do we really think thats a presence of peace and love?

after all the hunger?

after all the violence?

after all the injustice?

after all the pain?

really?

im not one to not believe but damn.

thats what i have to believe in huh?

do we have to find peace in the chaos?

do we mold our belief system to our thoughts?

our experiences?

i really dont like writing like this.

this is a filler entry.

these questions dont really fulfill my need to know.

i need another one.